Ya know, it comes to pass, that all persons must admit that they suck. Well, ok, I admit it…I suck at this journal writing thing right now. Not that it matters. I write this for myself primarily. It has almost been a week since my last entry. What, has life stopped for me since last Thursday? Has NOTHING interesting entered my brain that I thought might be noteworthy and worth talking about? Honestly? Don’t make me answer that question………
Oh sure, I have had a couple thoughts flash through my brain pan. One thought that I certainly do recall is why are 99.9 percent of the adult humans in my family so screwed up? And, are there NO normal people in my family? It is as if I live in the land of textbook psychology. We could be the thesis study for the next graduating class at Harvard Med I swear to you. If it isn’t depression, it is PTSD, or alcoholism, or drug addiction, or weight issues, or control issues or hording, or child abuse or sex/love addiction. It is as if not a single solitary soul was spared.
And why? I often wonder how come all this is beget upon one small God fearing family? We were raised in church. Whooo boy were we ever! The sun did not set on the week unless we went to church at least one time. We were good little Catholics, we went to confession, we paid our offertories, our family took food to the sisters, and we even went to the dreaded Catholic school so we could be further immersed in the whole thing. But it wasn’t enough. We were not spared the angst of the human condition.
What happened while we weren’t looking? Did someone take the dream away in the night? I mean we were supposed to have the “average American family” right? You know, Ozzie, Harriet, Mike and Carol Brady, all that. No damn wonder all us folks are so pissed off. Hollywood showed us what we should have had, could have had, what SOME people DID have, all the while we sit in our single parent, alcoholic or drug addictive, homes, eating cheerios for supper on the living room carpet cuz there isn’t a dining room table let alone a 5 course meal set upon it.
The expectations are just too high I suppose. Maybe that is it. Maybe my family ISN’T the strange one. Maybe I just want too much. Maybe what I perceive as normal (thank you ABC) just looked a whole lot better to me growing up than what I had. But still…….I don’t think that explains why all this weird ass shit happens to my family.
Maybe we are just more open about our stuff. Maybe we just talk about it more to each other in trying to support one another.
I don’t know. For once, I would really REALLY love to know what NORMAL is. I would love to live just ONE YEAR without any trauma, or drama or crisis or angst of any kind. You know, have enough money to pay my bills on time, have plenty of groceries, gas and essentials like clothing and lunch money. Normal. Not struggle. Normal.
What a great goal. What a happy though……………..